"when you said nothing at all" by Ronan Keating made me think of how we literally said nothing to each other anymore. i tried to recollect those memories, picked up those broken memories and tried to fit them together. suddenly i realised, no matter how hard i try to match them to the present, things wld not be the same as before anymore. well, things alr arent. then, i searched my wallet for your letter. i looked through the pockets and as i spilled out all the contents, i became frantic when i cldnt find it in that particular place in my wallet. i searched my boxes, then i saw it, resting innocently above a pile of papers in my upper cupboard of the dressing table. there was such a surge of overwhelming emotions i cld not control. was it tension? was it a sense of relief? one side of me told me to read it, while the other realm told me to just leave things back in the place the way it was. but the former got the better of me and i read it. the sides were yellow and tattered, evident from the many times i read it before. i read through the words, your words to me. the promises, the tiny details of the past came flooding back to me. i still rmb. i wonder if you still do. do you? and as i read on, i smiled. i smiled that tiny glimpse of sparkle in my eyes.. which slowly faded away to shiny gleaming tear droplets. then i realised, you still mean alot to me. really, it's inexplicable the way i still feel towards you. how much, i dontknow. i guess i'd never be intelligent enough to rate my feelings and i guess i wld never be to. and as i finished reading the letter, i realised, promises were meant to be broken. i had this sudden outburst of just picking up my phone and typing a "hello. i suddenly thought of you and missed you (: " but that sounded crazy and deranged. and i cant even fathomed how you'd react to it. phone..another piece of memory.
i thought of the way you were, Strong Spirit. mystical in an unknown way. you're sort of like perfect, with flaws i deem so invisible towards. something got over me and i realised you were my motivation, for Everything. its sort of like an invisible lifeline and emotional support. perhaps its denial (and i bet it is) but i'd like to think i'm happier this way. then the radio played this ______ song. and ahh, it brings me back to ABC. once over again.
and i find myself in a sappy/nostalgic/melancholic mood (choose one)
and i stumbled along this word in the dictionary: woe-begone.
how ironic. it's meaning flows along the line of unhappiness but yet it spells out as, unhappiness-flyaway.

okay, bye.